in all honesty, with my addictive nature to evolve, i haven’t nor will i always like life’s ways, it’s twisted humor whipped with lessons to be learned, but i am allowing it while knowing it, i don’t need to play in the dark to remember i am the light.

i often ask myself — if only love is real, why be afraid of what wants to enter my field?

what comes, comes anyways.
why what comes is what i need.
when why comes is divinely timed in me.

i will become aware of it, to feel it.
i will feel it, to transform it.
i will transform it, to be it.
and i will survive it, to live it.

after soaked in dirt and flown in space, here’s what i know in the not knowing — i already am and have become what i am becoming.

i am the hero of my life’s story.

no matter if i believe it, i am it.
no matter if i know it, i am it.
no matter if i feel it, i am it.

i see now, i came to this earth to feel everything, to experience everything, to go knee deep into the pain, to be engulfed in the misery that’s so alive in the collective unconscious, and to survive it, only so that i can rectify it.

my story with its inconveniences, frustrations, loss and change has taken me to a brighter now; to a gift-giving paradise of divine play.

i see now, how people, places, things have helped me to become who i am today.

• how they’ve helped me to give a voice to the voiceless parts within myself.
• how they’ve helped me to acknowledge the good in each and every soul.
• how they’ve helped me to step beyond blame.
• how they’ve helped me to see, we are more alike than unlike.
• how they’ve helped me to wake up from the dream of dislike.
• how they’ve helped me to open myself up when it didn’t feel safe in order for safety to be discovered.
• how they’ve helped me to respect fear as an aspect of intuition to make more empowered choices.
• how they’ve helped me to go where’s fear and lead with courage.
• how they’ve helped me to become freed of my hunger in the wanting business.
• how they’ve helped me to build deeper connection in the offline world of i see youse.
• how they’ve helped me to slow down my busy mind.
• how they’ve helped me to open my eyes to see the unseen.

and with no doubt, the greatest gift of all came from darkness itself.

it was darkness that gifted me my innocent heart. that gave me the keys to return home into myself. it was darkness that revealed a greater truth — i need more love not less — which activated a timeless reminder to love myself more than the past has ever remembered.

i see now, for decades i chose people, places, things while i abandoned myself day n’ night.

i made jobs more important than my innocence.
i made devices more important than my innocence.
i made the world more important than my innocence.
i made relationships more important than my innocence.
i made unhealthy habits more important than my innocence.
i made spiritual practices more important than my innocence.

and it’s all okay. it served me well. i took me here where i am today.

all revelations — before, during and after i swam in darkness — have given me the gifts to breathe in pain and to be relaxed in the adversities i face.

i see now, in the directionless perfection of my highest destiny i connected with people, places, things i was always destined to connect with.

all invisible and visible connection have given back my power by disappointing the shit out of me. all people, places, things have served as initiators to activate the best version of self with my mom first in line.

i see now, i cannot control the outcomes i face but i can make choices on how i respond to any outcome in view.

and my responses to people, places, things show me how i respond to myself when life happens.

whenever i say to someone, “he’s a bad person,” i feel how i judge another and withhold love from myself. it’s okay but i hear life say, you only see bad in another when you feel that there are parts of you that don’t deserve to be loved by you.

i see now, i only see in others what’s resolved in me.

therefore, i make an effort to know my story, to know their story. to learn what made us us — why do we think the way we think? why do we say what we say? why do we do what we do?

but nowadays, i feel more than i ask. and i trust what comes through wherein my intuition has become my compass of truth.

i see now, another person is not a refection of me.

if someone else’s experience triggers emotions in me then the only thing triggered in me shows what’s mine. therefore, someone else’s limitations don’t show what’s unresolved in me.

and whenever i am in emotional, verbal or physical hardship then i hear life say, love here’s your opportunity to wake up in the presence of people, places, things. to hear the unheard. to see the unseen. to love your own heart only so that you can be the parent to your inner child.

i see now, supporting or fighting is not a solution to get more of what i want.

for me, it’s not a direct path to bring peace into this world. it’s more than that. i feel, change is wrapped in vulnerability.

if i support but don’t attend to my emotions i am feeding the world in view. if i support and attend to my emotions i am transforming the world in view.

therefore, stepping into a vulnerable space of feeling it all is how i become emotionally resolved. and this is the change i wish to see in this world.

i guess, the activists would call me a pussy. if so, christ was pussy. buddha was pussy. allah was pussy. and i am okay with that. i feel how attending to my emotions can and will bring heaven onto this earth.

i see now, anyone who lashes out is a five-year-old child crying in pain.

a child whose desperate cry asks for someone to hear them. to see them. to love them. a child who is emotionally imbalanced. a child who is afraid of rejection. a child who needs more love not less. a child who doesn’t know how to love the unloved within. a child who needs help.

and my experiences says, the world is packed with children in need. and i am not talking about flesh n’ blood five-year-olds. i am talking about people of all ages. the rainbow range from birth to death.

and i am just one of them, a thirty-four year old child in need. my mom is one of them, a sixty-seven year old child in need. my grandmother was one of them, now an eighty-five year old child in heaven. and my friends, every-single-one-of-them, belong to this group in one way or another.

and it’s okay.

we do what we do to survive. we do our best. and we mean no harm.

and i am humbled to say that those very moments, one by one, have activated my potential to do what i came here to do. to give love. to be love.

i see now, feeling is healing.

in the angel academy of love warriors, i am the master in training, fully knowing, only i can love myself the way no one else can nor is designed to. loving the unloved is my homework. it has been and it will be.

and in this space i don’t need to understand. my life experience says, understanding doesn’t get me where i need to be, faith does.

so what do i do?

i allow all feelings and thoughts that enter my field to be in my body as long as needed. i then hold the unloved by slowing down. i feel it all and i converse with it all as if my feelings and thoughts represent a child in need. and i don’t run no more.

this is me in twenty-nineteen loving my own heart as never before.

years of practice say, it’s how discomfort finds comfort within.

i see now, it doesn’t matter what i think or feel, it matters what i say to myself when life happens.

majority of the time it’s radically simple. i say to myself, i love you. i love you. i love you.

since december twenty-sixteen i’ve sent i-love-youse to my heart through thick and thin. through pain and joy. through dark and light. in the beginning i didn’t feel the truth of those words. they felt foreign but i kept my practice, and i never stopped.

and then, i engage in conversation with myself. i comfort the one in pain. i say words to myself that the past has not heard or remembered. its how i become the one who speaks the words i’ve always wished to hear from someone else. words that step-by-step guide me back home into the source of my own infinite love.

here’s my guidance in words, if you wouldn’t say it to a five-year-old child in pain, don’t say it to yourself or anyone else.

i’ve learned, the only reflection of my journey is how i respond to myself and others.

and this is me being a parent to my inner child. not waiting for people, places, things to change in view in order to be heard, seen and loved.

i’ve had my share of explosive codependent relationships. they served me well. they gifted me the reminder to love my own heart as never before. to slow down. to be vulnerable. to be honest. to trust. and to grow in faith for the unknown of the unexpected.

today, i feel heard and seen as never before. i feel, i see you. i feel, i love you.

i see now, in order to walk in someone’s skin i need courage to love myself more than the past has ever remembered.

in moments like these, a questions comes to play, how may i serve you so that you feel honored and protected in this body? and so that others feel honored and protected in my presence?

this is vulnerability. this is respect. this is honoring the innocence within us all.

thanks to all, i see now, i truly cannot help but love the people who know the pain i felt and feel.

“them? us! look at them? they are us. what differences do you see?”

no one’s born with guns in their hands.
no one’s born with hate in their words.
no one’s born with pain in their hearts.

we live to love, to be loved, to feel loved. all else is bonus.

so may i ask, what do you see?

in my reality, when i see the light of others i only see the light of myself reflected back at me.

thanks to all, i see now, how everything in my life is a gift.

i humbly say, thank you elsa. thank you mom. thank you grandma. thank you all. your contribution is a breath of fresh air in the storyline i signed up to play.

i’ve noticed, life’s ways are mysterious until revealed a greater truth.

i once laughed only to see i protected myself from people, places, things. i once blamed myself and others only to see, life’s no one’s fault. i once felt, the world is senseless only to see i didn’t know how to love the unloved within. i once lashed out only to see i need more love, not less.

i see now, a love letter sent to one heart is a love letter sent to all hearts.

how i treat myself is a reflection of how i treat all hearts in existence. i am the love who came to transform the world in view. and i have been that love since day one. so are you. we all are, either asleep, waking up or woken up from the dream of dislike.

we are in it together. every-single-one-of-us.

even the dictators of nation. you know, people like Donald Trump whose job is to wake up the christ in each and every heart. to help activate higher consciousness within us all. and it doesn’t matter if i believe it or not, if i like it or not. this truth, it feels good in my heart.

so the question is simple — am i brave enough to feel what arises in my body? or am i taking the easy way out by lashing out?

we all have a freedom of choice. and here i wonder, what’s your choice?

in my reality, i see, when i fight with words, with hands, with guns i am feeding it. when i watch and feel with no blame i am transforming it.

for me, feeling is healing. and that’s safety, my freedom from adversity.

i see now, going slow is going fast.

my mind was busy. it didn’t move with the pace of my heart. it didn’t know how and why. but living in extremes opened my eyes to see the unseen — whenever my mind works too fast, my heart shuts down.

and today, while i write these lines, i have found my pace with a mission to marry my mind and heart together as lovers so i can be the humble parent i came here to be with a wish to clear the karma by no longer being at odds with my innocence.

i see now, relaxation at anytime anywhere with anyone is an indication that i move with the pace of my heart.

if i move fast it’s a loving reminder to slow down. to breathe. to rest. to make space for integration to help bring my mind and heart together as one.

i believe, the best protection is a relaxed open heart. and i see this heart of christ in each and every one of us. it’s calling us home through the laws of polarity. helping us to wake up in the presence of people, places, things.

and here’s my wish for humanity.

i wish for all of us to move through life at the speed of love. to allow integrations to occur. to allow to feel, to receive whatever knocks on the door of ones heart.

and this brings me to another thought.

i see now, higher truths are always loving, not fear based.

i’ve learned to trust my body. my intuition.

when i hear or see something that shuts me down, its not my truth. its not loving. when i hear or see something that opens me up, its my truth. its loving.

and here’s a reminder from an earlier story.

a choice is a high quality option at any given moment based on what feels good to one’s heart, no matter what others might feel, think, say or do.

and note to self, people pleasing is fear based. its turning away from my innocent heart.

i see now, love always wins. love always has the final say.

but you know what, i’ve met love in many forms and in all honesty, i don’t know what love is. and it doesn’t even matter. i feel safe and loved when i engage with the innocence of the world in view. and that’s my enough.

thanks to all, i see now, everything is here to help me.

and it makes giggle to see, the more i grow the less i know in the sneak preview of what’s yet to come.

but i am glad to see that my story was never an obstacle. it guided me where i am today. and omg, what a relief it was to realise that i don’t have to be spiritually interested and tick off things from my checklist in order to become who i am destined to be.

today, with you by my side, i am flirting with an expansive thought — what if i don’t need to do anything in order to become who i am meant to be?

what if life will bring me people, places, things who activate the light within me so i can wake up in their angelic presence?

yeah, it feels good to say it.

i mean, after all, that’s exactly what’s been going on for decades in the unexpected movie called my life. so i guess, as an active participant, the best i can do is to open myself up to people, places, things. to drink the dislikes and likes with one zip at a time. and in it all love my own heart by feeling it all.

damn, this feels good. so damn good.

and now, in celebration for today’s story i invite you to put your hand on your heart, and either feel the words or repeat them after me.

whatever happened, happened. i’ve done nothing wrong.

my thoughts are okay.
my words are okay.
my feelings are okay.
and my story is okay.

whatever happened, happened. i’ve done nothing wrong.

thank you for surviving.
thank you for loving.
thank you.

okay now, i’ve talked a lot about myself with the reason being, i probably don’t know your story but i know we all have stories to tell. stories that can help to wake up the world in view.

so here we are. you and me. and others misfits.

i wonder if you’re ready to go where’s fear and lead courage? if so, i invite you to drink up the following words.

my experiences say, love is what we need to sing our song. and it comes down to honesty and self-love. so let’s try this.

for starters, i invite you to treat your heart as if it beats in the bodies of all. and here’s a checklist that only asks to be felt, not ticked off.

— 1 — connect with the offline world

— 2 — speak your truth

— 3 — be honest

— 4 — share your story with yourself. speak freely. openly. and ask for help if needed.

— 5 — or perhaps, give a voice to your story of fears and pain with a paper and a pen and start writing. now. anything.

ps. i don’t give a damn about your handwriting.

— 6 — or engage in another form of art that feels good to your heart with the aim to move the stagnant energy in your creative centre.

— 7 — or if petrified, take a breath and give yourself the permission to repeat and feel the following words whenever in fear.

thank you for thinking what i clearing for the world.
thank you for feeling what i am healing for the world.

— 8 — feel whatever arises. feel. feel. feel. there’s no need to understand the world in view. just know, understanding is bonus, not a necessity.

— 9 — and remember, it doesn’t matter what you think or feel, it matters what you say to yourself when life happens. see what happens when you say to yourself the words you always wished to hear from another.

i invite you to step out from all codependent patterns like, i need the world to change in order to feel different in my body.

this, my love, is a vicious circle. i know this pain. its heavy. it hurts. so i invite you to become emotionally resolved in the presence of people, places, things.

so this was my personal guidance shared with you.

also, you might want to ask yourself — what needs to go distraction wise for you to be more present with your breath; for you to feel safer in your body; for you to be less distracted by the expectations of others?

what do you need to make more time to make your daily life more nurturing and supportive for your heart, for your emotional needs, for your energetic needs?

if that’s less screen time. less social media. less information from news outlets. less judging. then i’ll give the permission to try it out and to see how it feels in your body, mind and heart.

and as always, from my heart to yours, here’s a lovely reminder — please slow down, rest as much as needed, and take a moment to breathe in adversity. and if you can, please mingle with nature on daily bases. even if its just one tree on the street you live.

dear, we got this. let’s heal through stories, together. i will hold your hand while you hold mine.

remember, feeling is healing. its transforming.

thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, for listening, for feeling my words. thank you. your attention is precious.

thank you.

and now, let’s go. let’s feel whatever arises.

but before you go, here’s today’s question to your heart.