for decades i was as a fearful child in a fearless skin.

i lived in worry.
nonstop.

daily, i thought,

what do people think?
what do people say?
what do people do?
how do people feel?

when i do this or that.

i flew in an ego-land. i swam in pain.

for long i tumbled through life, somehow. i went suicidal more times i can count. during adolescence i learned to hate my story, and in time i mastered hating myself and life. i saw no way out.

i never felt heard.
i never felt seen.

i felt abandoned by people, places, things, not knowing i had learned to abandon myself with each breath i took.

at the age of 26 i left estonia.

innocently, silently, and unknowingly,
i hoped i can escape pain and catch, then hold on to happy.

i traveled the world for over 5 years:

• 28 months with a backpack through 4 countries
• 36 months moneyless through 27 countries
• in total 31 countries in 4 continents
• including, 10’000 km on a bicycle

but pain tagged along, always, wherever i went.
i know now, i cannot hide from myself.

the more aware i became the more unprocessed pain showed itself. the unknown of the unexpected, day by day, invited me to love the unloved parts of myself.

as time went by i began to see, everything in my life is a gift.

one day i asked myself,
what if the worst things that ever happened to me are the greatest experience i have been given to grow and evolve?

from that moment forward i stepped deeper into the unknown only to see, that unknown had more gifts to give. i was gently guided to stay brave and open to learn to receive all that flew my way.

this project here shows my road from complication towards simplification.