here’s a little secret — this email is my minimum commitment to move the needle forward with loveORfear. its not much but its enough.
about two months ago the idea of loveORfear showed up in my reality. it exploded there and then, and put me in action. every breath swiftly transformed into a new paradigm. my pain, my joy, my experiences began to unwrap a deeper beauty they hold.
for weeks i recorded punch of voice messages and scribbled down a flood of thoughts. one word formed into a sentence, then pages wrote themselves ending up in a messy pile of files.
gradually the structure followed.
and then i saw it – my naiveness. i couldn’t escape it. it found me and guided me.
gradually, i became hungrier to cover the a-b-c on how to go from fear to love, not knowing how, just trusting the process. i created. i wrote and recorded. sometimes even at nighttimes coz that’s when revelations dropped down on me.
i saw, i smelled, and then i felt a bullshit in the line, “i need to do (or i have to have) this or that in order to get there.”
do i really?
things seem to work and then suddenly they stop working. i flip from one truth to another. its constant. there’s no end to new layers of truth, to revelations. there’s always newness in each breath, and with openness ever present i can welcome it in.
i have learned through trials that hunger cannot be satisfied when my heart and mind are not on the same page. i can do whatever, whenever, wherever with whomever — alone or with others — but until i have not developed a greater relationship between my mind and heart, and allowed myself to feel fully and deeply, i keep chasing another shiny object, material or spiritual in nature.
to me, its that simple.
so here’s my striptease of loveORfear.
the problem: do this or that in order to get there
the solution: be freed from your hunger
the goal: be relaxed anywhere, anytime
this is the battle of a love warrior — to live fearfully in a highly conditioned world.
all those spiritual milestones (do this or that to get there) work. oh boy, they do, in massive scale. applying them has changed all of me. without them, i would not be who i am today. but there’s a but — its filled with detours.
i did the thing. my hunger grew. i become obsessed with more and greater. and i couldn’t get enough. i chased a shiny object after another with no end to the storyline. first material then spiritual.
no matter what i did, time and time again i kept hitting a spiritual wall.
they said, “its supposed to work,” but i wondered, why the fuck is not working? i questioned myself. i questioned life. love. and i tried again.
positive thinking. vegetarian. no alcohol. meditation. retreats. ceremonies. letting go. no attachments. you name it.
i was flying. and then i drowned. nothing was permanent. it was all temporary. i lived in the world of extraordinary highs and infinite lows. between limited and unlimited. satisfied and unsatisfied.
but in twenty seventeen when i made my heart the object of my affection, my life flipped. i began to send one-i-love-you at a time straight to my innocent heart. since then i am first in line to receive my own love while simultaneously i learn to give love to others. from that moment, everything else became secondary. complimentary. highly important but not first.
that said, i am still in baby steps but the spiritual wall, it disappeared. the hunger diminished. detours lessened. and relaxation found me.
but note, my detours and my hunger were and are necessary to my growth. i wouldn’t be here without them with my experiences that i now get to share with you.
almost every self-help book says, “each path is uniquely designed. no one can’t walk it for you. only you can walk your own path.”
touché. therefore, i encourage you to do you, be you—unapologetically.
but i do it with a bit of spice, the unusual way.
my rulebook 101 is this →
you can hate life. love life. and do everything in between. the choice is yours.
its all here to help you. whatever you do, you’re contributing towakeup humanity from emotional, energetic, material, mental and spiritual hunger.
damn right, your choices don’t only shape your life but the humanity as a whole.
now, lets roll back to the beginning.
my minimum commitment helps someone. knowing, there’s a person who needs to hear what i say. what i write. words that also crack me open. and i guess, it nourishes the creative soul of the universe with one heart-centered action at a time.
still, i am scared to speak out loud. share my thoughts. ones quite different from the mainstream.
but i made a choice — fuck it — i will face my fears.
only through experiences i have learned the greatest lessons of all. my failures and tragedies have transformed into my greatest gifts.
where there’s fear, there’s growth, there’s love.
but i wonder, if i am angry at the world. at spirituality. i mean, why oh why i do what i do — focus on uncovering the bullshit in practices that have worked for centuries for so so many.
that’s a mystery even to me but here’s what i can say now…
loveORfear is about what i have experienced. its behind-the-scenes insights on what has and has not worked for me by sharing my actionable and practical steps.
i don’t know yet how to deliver topics without saying, you need to do this or that in order to get there.
but here’s where faith comes in. i don’t need to understand. instead, i can build trust and have faith that whatever happens, happens, with or without my naiveness guiding me home.
that’s that.
go break some rules,
—elsa
quote of the day, “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”