for weeks my pen’s been dry with my body filled with stories. amen to that, to the beauty of diversity.
it’s nothing new. i have had experiences as such in the past countless times. but 2019 is new for me. i am not beating myself up like i did before.
i am taking my time. i am allowing patience to slow me down, to show me the way where i am called to go.
mostly i sit 30 to 40 hours a week with a laptop in my hands learning to type once again. i see the topics. i see the narratives. and then, when i touch the keyboard words play hide and seek in the shiny white page. as if observing from above and afar, i can see how the transaction of flow from head to page took a break of silence to recuperate.
it’s what’s called the writers block.
but i say, bullshit.
i’ve learned, resistance is not here to be fought. nothing is. fighting has never taken me closer to my desires and hopes and wishes. never. ever. and today is no different.
so i sit. i feel it through. i type and i backspace. i rearrange and i recreate.
and in it all, i can see my perfectionism. it’s flying around, chirping like a bird, “it’s not good enough. you have to do better.”
and then there’s this soft, mellow voice that says with a smile on my face, “you‘re a great storyteller. you’ve done it before. and you can do it again.”
i allow them both to be heard and seen.
that said, currently i am relearning ways to work in union. no fighting. no pick-n-choose method of who gets to stay and who has to go. it’s not hard but it’s not easy either. it’s something in between. and it’s okay. i would not have it any other way.
it’s my school of patience. sometimes hours of zero words in single go.
i allow it to be.
i feel how it’s only here to make me better than i have ever been. and that’s a breathtaking gift from the one who knows better what i came here to heal.
so i sit. i stretch. i sit. i walk. i sit. i eat. i sleep.
well, you get the point.
but here’s what pushed today’s words on a paper — i will kick off a weekly letter called tuesday’s question.
it’s the power of WHAT IF.
starting in the upcoming week, all tuesday letters will be sharp short and potent with an intention to help you to honor the diversity of life’s miraculous play.
the questions will be delivered in first person in i/me to make them more personal.
let’s try this. amen to new beginnings.
ps. the long form loveletters stay in place. they’re not going anywhere. they’re only here to become better through the power of together.
pss. i will now go and sit and love the one who thinks and feels that my stories are not good enough. i need more love not less. and it’s my honor to serve the source in me.