this is real sh*t. i struggle finding my voice with loveORfear. i have roughly three options:
- shine my voice — raw and natural
- shine my voice blended with contributors and doers of loveORfear (i.e. Kim)
- shine my voice alongside with contributors and doers of loveORfear (i.e. Kim). meaning, each person gets to speak their truth by using their own voice — raw and natural. one email equals one voice. one article equals one voice. one online course equals one voice. but all voices aim the mission and vision of the loveORfear (coming soon).
i feel connected with no. 1 and no. 3 but mostly with no. 1 where option 2 feels as if i am muting my voice with fear laughing at me.
with whomever i do the project — our values, our experiences, our passion, our truth, our voice — its all different. unique but different. one voice can make a change but there’s a beauty in numbers. a line from the bible (ps. love is my only religion) comes to mind, “for where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
here i wonder, what do you do in moments like these?
over decades here’s what i have done (a nutshell version):
- i please others to play the game of dishonesty
- i raise my voice and talk faster than a bullet could hit its target
- i find excuses and other activities to not do what i am afraid to do
- i make comfortable choices to be accepted, heard and seen by others
- i seek collaboration and support solely because i don’t fully believe in myself
with that, i say no to me, and yes to the world of inauthenticity.
sadly, i am still afraid to shine my voice. to speak my truth.
i can’t just let it go of it. swipe it away. overwrite it with positive thinking. silence my mind. ignore it with a busy schedule. its here, and its purpose is here to teach me something valuable.
i thought i have walked a long road but loveORfear has activated it all.
i have noticed, if i speak my truth, people get defensive. how i got defensive and sometimes still do.
to me, any sense of discomfort means i am not fully honest with myself or with others.
and again, here
do you?
from what’s been shared, i still have a long road to walk. but i am willing. i am determined. i am eager. to walk the road of mastery by building faith. trusting the unknown of the unexpected.
by shining my voice with honesty i am one step closer to developing a deeper, more meaningful connection with self.
and i know, i am not here to reinvent a bicycle. that’s for sure.
whatever i have said and will ever say, whatever i have done and will ever do, has been said and done by someone but not by me. and maybe, what i say or do and how i say or do it can benefit another. what if?
i guess, the question is simple — which option from the choice of three (shine my voice) is moving the needle forward with loveORfear?
my heart whispers, option number 1 → shine my voice — raw and natural
for now. for today.
one voice is better than no voice at all. i have to start from somewhere to birth a dream of mine.
and i will not silence my excuses. i will become greater through them.
yes, i am swamped with activities (and my wild guess is that you’re swamped too) for the name of procrastination. in my case, i love all my excuse (how could i not) but i need to focus only on one project at a time.
indeed, bills need to be paid. life needs to be lived. and those are my obligations i have chosen for self, knowing, yours are way different. maybe, its family duties — being a good mom or a dad. and so on.
but i guess we can all (somewhat) agree that life is a playground of choices where each choice defines the quality of the movie we are playing out for the benefit of all.
in it, day in and day out, i take a moment to reevaluate what i am doing and why i a doing it.
here’s my current cure (a list of few things) to activate my potential.
- i categorize priority ones to 1, 2, 3s
- i go for daily walks (or work in the yard) even if my mind says, “there’s no time”
- i remind myself that i am enough. my truth can help another. my voice matters. and that everything is here to help me.
- i make choices based on what feels good to my heart, no matter what others might feel, think, say or do. (ps. that’s hard to do, and its not selfish)
- i purposely speak my truth knowing, its not what many can or wish to hear, or even better, i am afraid to voice my truth because showing my vulnerabilities is make or break — relationships can burn or flourish.
- i don’t raise my voice (a slippery slope) when i want to make a point. i then breathe and speak slower (almost i’m-possible). i.e. if i catch myself with a charge, i pretty much practice doing the opposite. its the battery effect where two opposites meet and nullify the charge. (i’ve tried it for 1.5 years and whenever i have done it, it worked like a charm)
- i make small commitments i can keep — with loveORfear, i will at least write one email a week (a doable with the right amount of challenge). with that, oftentimes, one thing leads to another, and i might get more done from what i thought i could. i then reward myself by feeling inner joy when i have done at least the minimum i set out to do.
- i will collaborate only with whom i have synergy, and who’s input and responses also honor my time and effort for whatever projects i do. that’s probably the toughest of all in this list.
- i cut off all distractions (that’s a warrior medicine) — my phone is silent, nonstop. all notifications are turned off. my laptop is currently on write mode. uh, there’s so much i can say, but not today. maybe another time.
so now, i invite you to reevaluate your own actions.
is what you are doing moving the needle forward in what you really-really want to do?
here’s a good start — honor yourself by making choice that feel good to your heart with honesty leading the way. that’s a spiritual highway, not a detour.
this here is my voice. in front of your eyes. your ears.
for now, i will do the first stage alone with you by my side (it might, and will take longer than i anticipated… summer, and all… yeah, excuses and also bills to pay)
at a later stage i can refine, and build on what i have already created, with or without contributors to make it better, clearer and simpler. i need to start from somewhere. anywhere.
trash can turn into gold.
step by step. practice. practice. practice.
just ponder on how many things you have left undone because of someone or something doesn’t move with your pace or fear has a hold on you?
life has shown, ideas do expire. and sadly, graveyards are filled with unlived dreams.
we don’t need to wait until we retire to have a vacation. we don’t need to wait for money to ship in to do what we love. less resources teach us on how to be creative with what we have, and still do what we want. love. its a matter of mindset.
so i need to, i want to speak my truth. let my voice shine as never before. no matter if i am being heard by anyone or no one.
i create, so you create, and that’s what matters.
but i do have to admit, there’s a part of me (one i can’t nor do i want to silence, just love-love-love) that wants to please everyone. i have walked this path countless times, and never has this worked for me. it hasn’t worked for anyone from what i have heard and seen and felt.
pleasing tactics. marketing manipulation. growth hackers. it’s not for me. and therefore it’s not for loveORfear.
no matter on how little of a step you’re taking, it’s moving the needle forward.
on this side, i will dig deeper into the roots of this by taking action. by feeling it all. by allowing myself to go places i have never been.
gosh, what an opportunity.
today, this is my baby-step to steer the ship of loveORfear.
lets stay honesty.
lets speak our truth.
lets shine our voice.
gosh, lets honor ourselves.
its not selfish. its self-love.
that’s that.
do you. be you. unapologetically.
kick some ass,
— elsa
quote of the day, “the actions portray the unsaid words of one’s true self.”