about 10-days ago the LOVE OR FEAR launch shipped to dock.
18 people. 870€. 769,70€ after fees.
wonderful (:
in celebration for all, i’ll now say the unsaid. the words i rarely hear anyone share.
i’ve always loved the opportunity to peak behind the scenes and here’s your ticket to realness unseen.
a day after the launch, i fell into waters polluted by thoughts and feelings. my imaginary stories spread far and near across the ocean of my reality to be. in a snap, i had become the queen of the underwater. fearful and ungrateful.
for three days my world felt upside down. i barely saw the light, the open-blue-sky. instead, i dived deeper and deeper into a sunken place.
yeah, it probably happened while people chipped in.
in moments like these, spiritual wisdom isn’t helpful for me. it’s when words are just words, shallow in meaning.
i felt fragile to share my truth, my reality to be, but i couldn’t hold it. i had to release it. i had to share it with another human being. so i did it and i didn’t hold back. i spew it all. i then pressed send and felt as if i had lost a friend.
when’s my honesty enough? when’s it too much? is there even such a thing? where’s safety in that?
a day later, my friend wrote back.
Seems like you’re mind is racing at a million miles an hour. Have I done the right thing? Have I pitched the right audience? Have I charged too much? Have I promised too much or too little? Busy, busy, busy, busy!!!
Now breathe.
And again.
And deeply, once again.We are on a marathon and the starter gun has just been fired, you are bustling shoulder to shoulder trying to get your space, and it will happen, but you might just trip over a few other moving parts first before you really hit your stride.
It’s ok.
Crowd funding is a tough gig and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. You have to find your pace and start running your course, but don’t forget to look around you and be proud that you are off and running.
And remember that there will always be someone holding a water bottle out for you along the way… you’ll see it soon enough.
Xxx
i replied.
beautiful. yeah, mind is unraveling it’s worries, fears.
i feel relaxed after nights sleep. and your reminders are timely. wow. something i need to hear whenever i forget myself.
thank you for being the receiver of my words. and thank you for holding them with love.
by then i had already took my medicine — i had dived head first into creation. i felt and drew and wrote and walked outside.
and then, on day 4 the ocean of my reality purified in a snap.
abruptly it came. abruptly it left.
i was gifted to see . . . (words from my journal)
negative thoughts or feelings are not mine. they’re collective.
what i hear in my mind is a clearing taking place.
what i feel in my body is a healing taking place.thank you universe for reminding me what my light is clearing and healing for the world. may all beings benefit from my clearing and healing. and may all beings have less negative thoughts and less negative feelings because of the space my light is creating.
thank you life for your gifts.
i see that i have been healing, clearing and activating all people i come in contact with. the reason why i haven’t felt that is because i have been empathing other people who don’t feel their contribution to other people.
i am empathing the unconsciousness of the world i came to activate, heal and awaken wherein my suffering doesn’t spare anyone but my joy liberates all.
i don’t wish for myself (and for anyone else) to spend any amount of time attempting to cover-up suffering with cleverly-disguised forms of spiritual obedience.
i had to speak up. that’s how i clear my throat.
speaking about our experiences gives a voice to the voiceless parts within ourselves.
BY MATT KAHN
as time goes by my views get sharper— oftentimes i don’t get what i want. instead, i get what i need. and the free will, for me, is not in what comes, it’s in how i respond.
i’ve learned, i cannot control the negative outburst of thoughts and feelings. i cannot let them go as if i would drop a cup and walk away. negative thoughts and feelings come and go on life’s terms and conditions not on my demands wrapped in affirmations and prayers.
being a good student — either earthly, religious, spiritual, atheist — doesn’t seem to matter. the 5-year-old me crying in pain doesn’t feel heard or seen in spiritual superstition.
here’s my medicine . . . (words from my journal)
breathe. breathe. breathe.
my thoughts are okay.
my feelings are okay.
my story is okay.whatever happened happened. i’ve done nothing wrong.
i am loved the way i am. i am the light the light i am.
breathe. breathe. breathe.
thank you for being a part of this experience.
now i know better what i do. how i do it. for who i do it. and why i do it. i feel blessed.