hi, i am elsa.
for decades i was as a fearful child in a fearless skin.
i lived in worry.
daily, i thought,
what do people think?
what do people say?
what do people do?
how do people feel?
when i do this or that.
i flew in an ego-land. i swam in pain.
for long i tumbled through life, somehow. i went suicidal more times i can count. during adolescence i learned to hate my story, and in time i mastered hating myself and life. i saw no way out.
i never felt heard.
i never felt seen.
i felt abandoned by people, places, things, not knowing i had learned to abandon myself with each breath i took.
at the age of 26 i left estonia.
innocently, silently, and unknowingly,
i hoped i can escape pain and catch, then hold on to happy.
i traveled the world for over 5 years:
- 28 months with a backpack through 4 countries
- 36 months moneyless through 27 countries
- in total 31 countries in 4 continents
- including, 10’000 km on a bicycle
but pain tagged along, always, wherever i went.
i know now, i cannot hide from myself.
the more aware i became the more unprocessed pain showed itself. the unknown of the unexpected, day by day, invited me to love the unloved parts of myself.
as time went by i began to see, everything in my life is a gift.
one day i asked myself,
what if the worst things that ever happened to me are the greatest experience i have been given to grow and evolve?
from that moment forward i stepped deeper into the unknown only to see, that unknown had more gifts to give. i was gently guided to stay brave and open to learn to receive all that flew my way.
this project here shows my road from complication towards simplification.
i go where’s fear and lead with courage.
fears learn to love through the simple power of storytelling.
LOVE OR FEAR is a home where,
- we love the one who feels unloved
- we become the parents to our own innocence
- minds relax
- hearts open
- bodies heal
whatever happened, happened. we have done nothing wrong.
our feelings are okay.
our thoughts are okay.
our story is okay.
we are safe.
come as you are. be who you are.
on your time. in your own way.
and always remember,
whatever happened, happened. you have done nothing wrong.
it’s all okay.
you have done nothing wrong.
speaking about your experiences gives a voice to the voiceless parts within yourself.
by Matt Kahn
the doorway of my soul.
the centre of my universe.
and the vulnerability of my heart.
let’s join forces.
i invite you to help me
to feel and experience everything
with openness ever present,
and to share your courage
combined with mine
so we can use our light
to recognise the light
within the darkest of things.
let’s love fully and humbly.
i am the light the light i am.
fear, please teach me
how can i help bring you
into the light where you belong.
fear, please show me
the evolutionary gifts of you.
whenever you’re ready,
i am here, heart open.
life rip up my map.
show me the plan you have for me.
and thank you for choosing me for this mission.
what comes comes anyways.
why ‘what’ comes is what i need.
when ‘why’ comes is divinely timed in me.
i will become aware of it, to feel it.
i will feel it, to transform it.
i will transform it, to be it.
and i will survived it, to live it.